Sale shopping 101

Surely everyone knows the basic principles of a clearance sale. Old editions, old hardbacks, damaged books and occasional buyer errors (500 copies of the Frankie Dettori biography, anyone?) are the rule of the day. So why is there always one smartarse who comes up and asks something along the lines of "Do you have Snakehead in this sale?"

Still two days to go...

An hour in the life of a UAE sales assistant (abridged)

[Five minutes after the end of our shift, my housemate and co-worker Miss N and myself are waiting for our lift home, and walk into our shoe department. Big mistake.]

Customer: "I bought these shoes for my son. They don't suit him, they're too bright. I want my money back."
Miss N: "I'm sorry, we can't give cash refunds on shoes [or anything]. As long as they're not damaged we can give you a credit note or an exchange."
Customer: "I don't want a credit note and I don't like your other shoes. I want my money back."
Miss N: "We can't give you your money back. Well, we can, but then I lose my job."
Customer: "That's not fair, you're holding my money for me, I took the shoes, and they're too bright for him."
Me: "Too bright?"
Customer: "I mean wide. Or narrow. Anyway, I want my money back."
Miss N: "We can't give your money back, but we can give you a credit note."
Child: "Mummy, are we going to get the other shoes I saw at school?"
Customer: [to child] "Quiet, you"
Customer: [to us] "Why would I want a credit note? I've bought all I'll ever need. I'm a loyal customer. You're holding my money for me and now I want it back."
[Repeat for a further 30 minutes or so. In the background, another customer is berating staff for being too helpful and tidy]
Miss N: "Oh good God, I'm so very bored of this, let me check with our accounts department."
[Phones head office]
Miss N: "I've got a customer who wants a cash refund. Her son wasn't measured for his shoes and doesn't like them. She says she's a loyal customer but won't take a credit note."
The Boss: "I'll check with accounts tomorrow, but no."
[Information is relayed to customer. Customer flounces out, pointedly leaving shoes behind. Mr Aedan and Miss N go home 50 minutes late.]

Chutzpah

Customer at cash desk, holding computer studies book, speaking loudly into mobile: "Just to check, when do you need the book by... and when is the exam? Tomorrow? Thanks!"
To cashier: "So, what's your returns policy?"