Schoolboy Error.

"Do you have The Shellfish Gene?"

Finest Minds.

Overheard, two guys wandering up the stairs to the top floor of the store:

"I could so make you touch my penis if I wanted to."

"Dude, don't be such a fucking bender."

"Right, where's the philosophy section?"

People in Glass Houses Shouldn't Crap on the Floor.

"A member of your staff told me to come up to this floor, turn right, and head in a straight line to get to your astronomy section. I came up here, turned right, and I've found myself in astrology. Can you people not tell the difference between the two?"

"Sorry, you came up where?"

"The stairs over there. I turned right..."

"That would be left."

A Small Misunderstanding.

After a long and fruitless search for a book, I asked the customer:

"Is that definitely the title?"

"Yes, definitely. That or something else."

When the lights go out

Nothing like a power cut - I've just spent the entire day being told "the lights aren't on" by more observant members of The Horde. Interestingly, quite a few people also asked "are you open?", a courtesy they never extend when they amble in at 8.30 when we're bringing stock in and blearily fail to notice the absence of lights, functioning tills and terrible Ronan Keating songs. Unfortunately, in this case we were open, forced to find books by torchlight in the darker corners and warn customers not to hold their lighters too close to the books, please.