'Cause Sick People Are Hi - Larious.

"Why doesn't your medical reference section have any humour books?"

Thanks for Noticing.

On the phone with an American gentleman, about two years ago:

"Hey, I was looking for (such and such) study bible, would you guys happen to have that?"

I looked it up, and no we did not.

"No, I'm afraid we don't. We can order you one, but it's only published in the US, so it'll take a few weeks."

"No, that's fine. I should have expected as much from your godless, secular society."

He rather abruptly hung up. I was left bemused and joyous.

Schmoking.

A couple of nights ago, a woman stopped me by the art books, and started, quite frantically, to ask a series of questions. I stood and stared at her blankly. She then added wild gesticulation to the mix, and seemed genuinely surprised to be getting no response at all. She stopped for a moment, sighed, and then said: "I'm sorry, I was speaking Dutch, wasn't I?"

Yes. Yes, you were.

Quite Literally No.

"Hello, can I have an information?"

Turned out she was buying books on teaching English. Weep with me.

Good Question.

"What exactly do you mean when you say 'Removed from sale'?"

Impossible Geographies.

Another one from the mists of time (last August, which currently seems an eternity away); a guy looking for Evelyn Waugh books, off which we have a great many.

Gent: 'Er, yeah, so you don't have what I'm looking for, and I know there's a Waterstones, but I'm from Lincoln.'

Me: 'It's pretty much right outside our front door. We have almost everything by Waugh, what was it you wanted?'

Gent: 'I don't know. I'll know it when I see it. I'm from Lincoln.'

Me: 'OK. Did you actually look at the bookshelves?'

Gent: 'Yeah. You don't have any books by Evelyn Waugh. I'm from Lincoln. Where's Waterstones?'

You Raise a Good Point.

One from the archives:

"Will this DVD play in the U.S?"

"No, I'm afraid not, it's region 2, it'll only play in Europe."

"Then why does it say Universal on the case?"