Impossible Geographies.

Another one from the mists of time (last August, which currently seems an eternity away); a guy looking for Evelyn Waugh books, off which we have a great many.

Gent: 'Er, yeah, so you don't have what I'm looking for, and I know there's a Waterstones, but I'm from Lincoln.'

Me: 'It's pretty much right outside our front door. We have almost everything by Waugh, what was it you wanted?'

Gent: 'I don't know. I'll know it when I see it. I'm from Lincoln.'

Me: 'OK. Did you actually look at the bookshelves?'

Gent: 'Yeah. You don't have any books by Evelyn Waugh. I'm from Lincoln. Where's Waterstones?'

You Raise a Good Point.

One from the archives:

"Will this DVD play in the U.S?"

"No, I'm afraid not, it's region 2, it'll only play in Europe."

"Then why does it say Universal on the case?"

Schoolboy Error.

"Do you have The Shellfish Gene?"

Finest Minds.

Overheard, two guys wandering up the stairs to the top floor of the store:

"I could so make you touch my penis if I wanted to."

"Dude, don't be such a fucking bender."

"Right, where's the philosophy section?"

People in Glass Houses Shouldn't Crap on the Floor.

"A member of your staff told me to come up to this floor, turn right, and head in a straight line to get to your astronomy section. I came up here, turned right, and I've found myself in astrology. Can you people not tell the difference between the two?"

"Sorry, you came up where?"

"The stairs over there. I turned right..."

"That would be left."

A Small Misunderstanding.

After a long and fruitless search for a book, I asked the customer:

"Is that definitely the title?"

"Yes, definitely. That or something else."

When the lights go out

Nothing like a power cut - I've just spent the entire day being told "the lights aren't on" by more observant members of The Horde. Interestingly, quite a few people also asked "are you open?", a courtesy they never extend when they amble in at 8.30 when we're bringing stock in and blearily fail to notice the absence of lights, functioning tills and terrible Ronan Keating songs. Unfortunately, in this case we were open, forced to find books by torchlight in the darker corners and warn customers not to hold their lighters too close to the books, please.